Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
