Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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