eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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