you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
