hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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