I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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