he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
