If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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