i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
