the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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