I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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