I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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