Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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