u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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