You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
