If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
