She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I deserve this hangover.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
