I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
