But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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