apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
