I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
