cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
