she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
