thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
