The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
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They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
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Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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