i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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