you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
