somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
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Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
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He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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