I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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