my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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