i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
