the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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