She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
