Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize