How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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