I'm lost and stupid without you.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
