I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
