when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
