There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I wish there were birth control emojis
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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