i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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