Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
