walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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