when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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