Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
