I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
