we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
