i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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