I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
