Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
