Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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