Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
