so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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