A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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