oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
