This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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