So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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