you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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