My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
