"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
