The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
