i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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